30 day shred

So today is the day! I started the 30 day shred, and oh my goodness!
I thought I was going to die. I was swimming a bunch before i was pregnant, a little during, then nothing towards the end. So needless to say, Im OUTTA SHAPE!

Reid has been rather cranky today, and we went for a nap in his swing and I took my 30 minutes and did my first day. Now I feel like jello! I hope to lose 30 LBS in the next 6 months, so I need to keep motivated and get my body back, Actually, back to what it was YEARS ago.

I went through some depression years ago when i entered college, and my family moved out of state. I seem to have gained a good amount of weight and i did not really notice. I was working full time, going to school full time and living on my own with roommates (all boys) so that did not help. It was hard trying to stay focused on the things i needed to, while all the boys were just working m-f 7am - 4pm, I was busy ever day with work or school or both.

I was broke, and most of the time would not eat till i got home for dinner because ryan would offer to buy it. Some times it was either eat, or pay for gas money to get to school, 70 miles away. So I stayed true to school and screwed my body up in a BIG way.

So now that my life is "perfect" in my eyes, I need to get "me" back.

I tired of feeling insecure about my body, and feeling like i have lost "me". I know im not as outgoing as I once was, and I know its because i dont feel comfortable with me, and do not want attention on me at all.

So now that i have totally outed myself and put the pressure on to fine "me" again. Im really REALLY ready for this.
I want to do it for my husband who knows what i once was, and really would love to have the person he fell in love with back. Im so blessed that he is so supportive, and really loves "ME" for me and not my body. BUT, I know he really would love to have it back just as much as i do.

I want to do it for my son. I want to be outgoing so I dont hold him back in any way. I want to be beautiful on the outside as i am on the inside. I know it sounds superficial, but Im not a really girly girl person, im always sporty, and i want to just look better for me and my family, and for my health. I want to be able to play and run with him (i can, im not that bad) but i want to do it and look good doing it.

One of my biggest motivators, PICTURES! I HATE PICTURES OF ME!!
I dont want to have no pictures of my family because im fat! So i want to look good in pictures again!!

Well Reid is calling (Fussing) so i got to go! But I have 30 days to lose 20 LBS and i hope i at least get close!!
Wish me Luck!!

- Kim